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Alexa
Alexa
Illustration copyright ©2012 Alexandra Davidoff. All Rights Reserved. Copying, altering, editing, displaying/redistribution of this illustration without permission is strictly prohibited.

A girl who thought she was better than the world
conceived in another dimension
who believed there was no reality
but only the perception of what is real
rooted in the precedents of society
struggled to cope with the explosion in her own mind
sometimes brought to tears
artistic expression - an extension of herself like tentacles
reaching out through the veil of sanity and confusion
it was her life jacket
but she knew not how to swim

Searching for herself
alone most of the time in the cave of her subconscious
where every drop of condensation turned purple
like a bruise left out in the sun too long
shrivelled and trying to fight the doubt buried deep
of being older than she was in her head
stumbling for a moment
gaining weight
spitting in the face of the defence mechanisms
that told her to hide herself

A girl pale and brave
who believed the only beauty that existed
had left the world in scars and bandages
trying to recreate it too often
she rendered the faces of her dreams
somehow always connected
to her wandering state of mind
in the way they shape shifted to become more complex
innocent though not entirely so
beautiful without pretension
they were her only friends removed from blood
and they offered her fragile sanity protection

She found solace in the private rhythms of her imagination
which blossomed in the cradle of exotic music
and the voice of one goddess taunting her into dreaming
making up for the fact that she could not understand
what language the goddess was singing
she made up her own language
synchronized with the rhythm and the breath
of another culture
toleration for humanity channelled into her ear drums
she sung along with the brain waves that made her feel
she was part of a connection so fantastic
only she could feel it
in a realm so free of politics and prejudice
that she had to imagine evil to make it seem more real
there was no real reason for the existence of hate
only a window of theatrical play

She explored with her senses what her body could not do
running through windows to other flavours
no longer a virgin of thought
exploring sin and the darkest anti-heroes
fascinated with the curtain in every soul
that hid its secret ugliness from the world
investigating the insecurity
that led her to fantasize over imperfection
and why she wanted to investigate at all
she absorbed every emotion
cataloguing the symptoms
that made every bad mood worse than it seemed
and how she could get back on her feet
sometimes without planning
she fell far from where
her concentration and curiosity had dropped her

Craving the world to come to her and lay at her feet
for her to discover it entirely
each different personality growing in her head
wanted a piece of her dreams
fighting among themselves
eventually her mind outran her renderings
as she began to imagine
things which defied her canvases
things she wanted to share
but could give no physical shape to
things lurking in the darkness of her deepest
and most inappropriate thoughts

The headache became a time bomb and then a firework
exploding into a kaleidoscope of opinion and colour -
controversial torture

To relieve the pain of being who she was
to extend the dream beyond her own personal cave
and break it open so that other dreamers could taste it -
she began to write.

poem: ©2012 Alexandra Davidoff

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Mnemo′Syne commented on September 29, 2012 2:11am
nice style
ADIDA FALLEN ANGEL commented on October 12, 2012 10:14am
nice one.
Catspaws commented on October 12, 2012 10:24am
stunning portrait,love the poem
ADIDA FALLEN ANGEL commented on October 26, 2012 10:35am
delicious
Alexandra Davidoff commented on April 20, 2013 11:47am
Thank you everyone!